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yourdaddyjoe · Supporting Member

Mind you it is a 2.5 hr drive down to the bay area for me and at least a 3-4 hr. drive back with afternoon traffic…

We get down to Oakland for the Maxillofacial pre-surgery consult and Surgery to remove a re-occurring tumor from my wife's upper jaw...

They kindly inform us that the surgery date was moved to Thursday… and the pre-op could have been done in Roseville which is a 30 min drive… Bastards! A phone call would have saved us the trip and help prepared us for two more days of pre-surgery anxiety.

To top it all off I have become her emotional punching bag again!!! (Not physical... just verbal)...

For those who say it is my job as her husband... I have been taking care of her for over 18 years and am on burn out... The islands of who she used to be, have been sinking for many years… Not much left now…

sniper · Silver Status Member

breath. breath. breath..

"nobody is ever given more than they can handle"

"that which does not kill me only makes me stronger"

"god, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

not preaching joe just propping up. Neutral

breath. breath .breath.

AirGunEric · Site Admin

Join a support group. Yeah, I know, it sounds stupid- but I understand alot of people with chronic medical conditions that leave them somewhat immobile develop a cranky-assed attitude that can burn out anyone around them. Maybe something like a group of other people with similar issues would help (?)

fritz · Silver Status Member

That which does not kill me only raises my insurance premiums.

Buster Bodine · Veteran Member

I don't know anything about your situation than what I've read above but it sounds like you got the shiddy end of the stick, Joe.

Internet forums are funny, you form opinions and mental images of people very quickly and usually, you're pretty close on the money. I think you'll do to ride the river with and you can make it through this. You may not want to, but you will.

When things get tough, you've just got to remember you're fighting Cancer, not your wife. I've gone through this with a friend and a close relative but nobody as close as my wife.

That friggin cancer can almost make you believe in demonic possession sometimes. It can steal your loved ones away from you right before your eyes and turn them into a monster. It can make you hate them. But hard as it is, try to remember it's not your wife that's giving you hell, it's that goddamned cancer.

Hold fast, and if it helps at all, you know there's a lot of folks out here rootin' for you in your corner.

TONBON · Veteran Member

i feel your pain.
i got my own personal hell goin' on.
worse comes to worse, you can always come here and rant
Puke

good luck

thepaladin · Senior Member

I won't put any platitudes here. I know a little of what you're facing. My wife has been bed fast for a year and a half now and had trouble getting around for a long time before that. I moved to sleeping full time in my recliner more than 5 years ago as it hurt her if I even shifted in bed or when I would get up from the mattress. I've been her full time care giver now for the year and a half she's been bed fast, and that's not 18 years.

There are times I really don't like myself much as I struggle with burn out or just get overwhelmed, but hold on. You are as they say "only human" and burn out doesn't mean you don't love her, it just means you're tired...very tired. It will pass, hold on and take a minute to remember that it is the same woman you knew before all this, it gets hard at times.

God bless you both.

ThatGuy · Member

Just got off the phone with Joe.Surgery went well,but shes struggling emotionally with recovery and may spend the night at the hospital.Physically shes fine but she and Joe could use thoughts and prayers to get her though their tuff times

sniper · Silver Status Member

good man guy!

thepaladin · Senior Member

Hang in....

ThatGuy · Member

Every thing turned out fine, She and joe are heading home should be there buy now. Just a bad reaction to the wake up meds. She should be up and shooting buy saturday

yourdaddyjoe · Supporting Member

Thanks Guy for keeping every one updated.

Yes the surgery was a success and no Cancer! She still has one more to go. It is a minor one to remove a cyst from her nasal cavity.

The meds have thrown her in to an emotional wreck. It is going to take a few days for the meds to get out of her system. Part of the problem is the steroids they pumped her full of. Ya might call it Roid Rage...

Hard part is they needed to restrain her and she is claustrophobic. So now we are dealing with that.

I hope to find someone who can take a load off me so I can get a break. But they have to be bullet proof...

Thanks for the thoughts, prayers and kind words.

Joe

fritz · Silver Status Member

Xanax. Works every time.

Or get the green card, that might work.

TONBON · Veteran Member

yourdaddyjoe · Supporting Member